Mere Christianity pt. 2

I have dated a lot of great girls but it seems every time it moves toward a longer term commitment, I let it fizzle out. I am often asking myself why I always do this. It seems that once the girl's interest is certain and the rush I get from the chase is over, I feel like I need to get out and date other people. There are probably many explanations as to why I do this but C.S. touches on one point so clearly that I wanted to highlight it.

Mere Christianity, Book III, chapter 6 is titled "Christian Marriage." One paragraph resonated with me so well that I'm going to write it up here:

"This is, I think, one little part of what Christ meant by saying that a thing will not really live unless it first dies. It is simply no good trying to keep any thrill: that is the very worst thing you can do. Let the thrill go--let it die away--go on through that period of death into the quieter interest and happiness that follow--and you will find you are living in a world of new thrills all the time. But if you decide to make thrills your regular diet and try to prolong them artificially, they will all get weaker and weaker, and fewer and fewer, and you will be a bored, disillusioned old man for the rest of your life... It is much better fun to learn to swim than to go on endlessly (and hopelessly) trying to get back the feeling you had when you first went paddling as a small boy."

He talks about how people can be infatuated with a city. The thrill they once felt, however, dies away after living there for a little while. But if they stick with it and look for the good, their interest can grow in to much more powerful feelings and appreciation for the city. I am currently infatuated with New York. I'm moving there this summer and couldn't be more excited. People often tell me that it is a completely different experience to visit New York than to live in New York. I believe there is a certain thrill that tourists feel in NY that the locals don't but I don't want to let that stop me from really loving the city.

Back to dating. I don't want to simply be a dating thrill seeker and follow the path of highest thrill. In other aspects of my life I tend to be a thrill seeker and it makes sense that I would date some girls for the rush and then move on to the next one. I do, however, want to develop those deeper feelings of trust and connection. I want to let myself get past the phase of infatuation and develop a real relationship with someone that is not based on thrill but on love. Like I mentioned before, there are probably many other reasons that explain why I bounce from girl to girl but this reason will no longer be one of them.